Make Every Day a Holiday with Kelley Taylor

Live

by Kelley Taylor, Make Every Day A Holiday

I read non-fiction.  Period.  The last fiction book I picked up was “The Notebook” which I consumed in an afternoon along with two boxes of tissues.  I swore I’d never do that again to myself.

I know there’s something to that…like a flaw of some sort that makes me unable to get into fiction. I just don’t know what it is. (If you are reading this and can enlighten me, please do.) 

But every once in a while, a piece of fiction will pique my curiosity.  When it does, I pay attention. 

I attended a lecture last April at my library on perfectionism (just when you thought this post couldn’t get any more boring!  HA!).  A professor from Yale was touching on points of perfectionism that was written into a book called “The Soloist,” a very cool fiction (yes, I said fiction) book by Mark Salzman about a gifted cellist who felt he lost his gift at only eighteen.

There’s this one part that is stunning….had to share.  Let me see if I can summarize a bit…

The main character recalls one particular cello lesson when he was a young boy living in Germany.  His instructor, Herr Professor von Kempen, interrupted the lesson abruptly to show the boy a new hybrid rose he was cultivating in his garden.  When the boy seemed to lack interest the professor made him stick his eye “right up to the flower so that [his] whole field of vision was consumed by the brilliant orange-red petals.”

The rest goes like this (p. 46):

“…look at all that color! And the pollen dust, which attracts a certain kind of bee that carries it to the other flowers and fertilizes them.  Imagine the complexity of it, the perfection of the design!  Isn’t it amazing that God produces such things? …right now you are looking at something that has never existed before today, not in all the time since the beginning of the universe.  When it fades, it will never exist again – it is absolutely unique in the world.  Doesn’t it now seem more precious than when you first noticed it?”
          “Yes, Herr Professor.”
          ”Yes,” von Kempen said, “and that is the way to approach music.  Every piece, every time you play it, is unique and irreplaceable.  You should open your ears and heart to every phrase, every note, and squeeze every drop of beauty you can from it.  Take nothing for granted!”

Cool, huh? 

Just think, you are “…something that has never existed before today, not in all the time since the beginning of the universe.”  We’re all works in progress.  Hybrids of some sort whether it’s from mother/father, nature/nurture or education of some kind.  Beautiful, fading, and awesome as we live and breathe.  We’ve just gotta squeeze every bit of beauty out of life we can, right?

I hope I can live my life opening my ears and heart to every phrase, every note, every moment.  I think that is truly one way of marveling and appreciating everything for whatever its worth.

Live every moment. 
Be the rose.
Dance to life.
Take nothing for granted.

Love

Everyone goes through bouts of feeling less than, questioning maybe something they did, or perhaps who they are. In uncertain times, it’s easy to have self-doubts of where you are going, or worse yet, realize where you are.

When you love someone and you see them hurting, it’s tough to stand by and watch. You want to fix it. You want to come to their aid, by their side, and fix the situation or sometimes, try even to fix them.

I want to challenge you to try something.

Simply remind them.

Remind them of who you know they are on the inside. Remind them of the gifts, qualities and strengths you have always admired in them. Remind them of a situation you’ve seen them go through before and solved on their own. Remind them of the knowledge they possess inside and the abilities they have to overcome anything – a situation, a doubt, a problem, or anything they might think of themselves.

Remind them you are on their side.
Remind them you love them.
Remind them that you believe in them.

The most compassionate love is when you can remind those you love of the person you know them to be. There is no need to tell untruths or pump someone up with exclamations of power or grandiosity. That may feel right in the moment for you but when you are the one hurting, all of that seems like a band-aid of sorts that may not feel quite like it fits right over the wound.

It is hard not to go into fix-it mode. But with kindness, compassion, and generosity of spirit you can truly mend a broken heart with your love. Not with hope or hype… but with truth, honesty and certainty.

And that is the truest form of love we could ever know.

Remind them.

“To love a person is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten.”

-Thomas Chandler

Laugh

My niece Lacye introduced this to me. Enjoy!

My favorite part: “Cheeeeeeeeeezits! Cheezits. Cheezits. Cheezits. Cheez-its.”

Learn

A few months ago I met a friend who, when seeing me for the first time after a period of absence, said “I saw something at Starbucks that reminded me of you.”

What? How Sweet!

Needless to say I was very curious. I knew Starbucks had all sorts of coffee mugs, gift merchandise, and neat things so I really wondered what on earth it could be. Couldn’t be anything but wonderful, I supposed. After all…I LOVE coffee.

So imagine my anticipation when he pulled out a brown paper bag, leaned over carefully and opened it to show me what he thought of me. I peered in and saw one single triangular shaped pastry. He said, “It’s a vanilla scone!” Like I’m supposed to get it and not be offended that he not only referred to me as some dry, dense pastry but also vanilla…..plain ol’ vanilla.

I couldn’t contain my shock. What? THIS is what reminds you of ME? I was more than a little taken aback because of course my ego was screaming in my head “He thinks I’m plain, dumpy, thick, dry and common with a sugary coating. Vanilla. Plain vanilla.” I guess I’d like to think I’m at least a little different. Ah, but no. The ego was completely bruised and I really didn’t know what to say but, “Vanilla? Really? Vanilla Scone?” He looked hurt and a little rejected by my reaction and I’d realized, in my arrogance, I had not accepted a gift graciously. I said, “Thanks.” but in my heart I was a little crushed myself.

Fifteen minutes or so later, I stepped into his home and was astonished. Ouch. I got it.

This man, this amazing man, filled his home with the scent of vanilla. Candles, lotions, shampoo…everything…you name it…VANILLA. His life was filled with it, his love for the scent was something very personal and very near and dear to his heart. In a word, he revered “vanilla”.

I was so ashamed. He had paid me one of the highest compliments he could give me. And what had I done? I had scoffed at the idea that I was plain vanilla! I had not hidden my shock and dismay that he would put me in the “vanilla” category. I hurt him terribly and didn’t even mean to. I misread everything.

Ouch, right?

While I could’ve never known, I learned quickly what Anais Nin meant by “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”

So I am learning. I am learning to face the world knowing that nine times out of ten I will probably misread gestures given to me because there is no way I can mind read or know for sure his/her point of view. It’s practically impossible to put everything into context at first glance. We all have our own frame of reference, our own set of principles, experiences, feelings, thoughts, and hearts that have lived through things others will never know.

Still, I believe we unintentionally see through our own lenses. He knew exactly what he meant when he chose a vanilla scone, but he hadn’t quite considered that because I didn’t know the context why I would react in such a bitchy way. Yes. I admit it. I was a bitch.

“Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.”
- Shopenhauer

There will be times when someone offends you, hurts you, or heaven forbid gives you a gift that you just can’t believe. How could they do that to you!

Stop.

Learn from my mistake.

Own your own feelings and ideas, but remain open to the possibility you may have it all wrong. Be patient. Let things settle till you can get more context on the situation. Ask questions. Don’t assume. And by doing these things, hold it near and dear to your heart – whisper in your head - hope never to hurt those you love.

It’s easy to misunderstand and be misunderstood.

Perhaps I’m not so different than plain vanilla after all. I’m finding that sometimes, that’s really good.

 

 I Am Vanilla: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download