I Am Vanilla
July 11, 2008
A few months ago I met a friend who, when seeing me for the first time after a period of absence, said “I saw something at Starbucks that reminded me of you.”
What? How Sweet!
Needless to say I was very curious. I knew Starbucks had all sorts of coffee mugs, gift merchandise, and neat things so I really wondered what on earth it could be. Couldn’t be anything but wonderful, I supposed. After all…I LOVE coffee.
So imagine my anticipation when he pulled out a brown paper bag, leaned over carefully and opened it to show me what he thought of me. I peered in and saw one single triangular shaped pastry. He said, “It’s a vanilla scone!” Like I’m supposed to get it and not be offended that he not only referred to me as some dry, dense pastry but also vanilla…..plain ol’ vanilla.
I couldn’t contain my shock. What? THIS is what reminds you of ME? I was more than a little taken aback because of course my ego was screaming in my head “He thinks I’m plain, dumpy, thick, dry and common with a sugary coating. Vanilla. Plain vanilla.” I guess I’d like to think I’m at least a little different. Ah, but no. The ego was completely bruised and I really didn’t know what to say but, “Vanilla? Really? Vanilla Scone?” He looked hurt and a little rejected by my reaction and I’d realized, in my arrogance, I had not accepted a gift graciously. I said, “Thanks.” but in my heart I was a little crushed myself.
Fifteen minutes or so later, I stepped into his home and was astonished. Ouch. I got it.
This man, this amazing man, filled his home with the scent of vanilla. Candles, lotions, shampoo…everything…you name it…VANILLA. His life was filled with it, his love for the scent was something very personal and very near and dear to his heart. In a word, he revered “vanilla”.
I was so ashamed. He had paid me one of the highest compliments he could give me. And what had I done? I had scoffed at the idea that I was plain vanilla! I had not hidden my shock and dismay that he would put me in the “vanilla” category. I hurt him terribly and didn’t even mean to. I misread everything.
Ouch, right?
While I could’ve never known, I learned quickly what Anais Nin meant by “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”
So I am learning. I am learning to face the world knowing that nine times out of ten I will probably misread gestures given to me because there is no way I can mind read or know for sure his/her point of view. It’s practically impossible to put everything into context at first glance. We all have our own frame of reference, our own set of principles, experiences, feelings, thoughts, and hearts that have lived through things others will never know.
Still, I believe we unintentionally see through our own lenses. He knew exactly what he meant when he chose a vanilla scone, but he hadn’t quite considered that because I didn’t know the context why I would react in such a bitchy way. Yes. I admit it. I was a bitch.
“Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.”
- Shopenhauer
There will be times when someone offends you, hurts you, or heaven forbid gives you a gift that you just can’t believe. How could they do that to you!
Stop.
Learn from my mistake.
Own your own feelings and ideas, but remain open to the possibility you may have it all wrong. Be patient. Let things settle till you can get more context on the situation. Ask questions. Don’t assume. And by doing these things, hold it near and dear to your heart – whisper in your head - hope never to hurt those you love.
It’s easy to misunderstand and be misunderstood.
Perhaps I’m not so different than plain vanilla after all. I’m finding that sometimes, that’s really good.
True Riches
April 3, 2008
“No man can tell whether he is rich or poor by turning to his ledger. It is the heart that makes a man rich. He is rich according to what he is, not according to what he has. ”
—Henry Ward Beecher (1813–1887) clergyman, social reformer, abolitionist
A Way To Any Woman’s Heart
April 1, 2008
What’s the mystery of finding true love? Better yet, what is the way to a woman’s heart?
Chocolate? Flowers? Compliments? Attention?
Some men (and women) think it’s a big huge puzzle that has to be spread out on the table and filled in over time. Some may think a way to someone’s heart is something they’ll never be able to do. Some think it’s too hard to figure out.
But I’ll let you in on a key secret to finding out whether or not you are really meant for someone, or if someone is meant for you.
Yes, believe it or not, I’ll give you one secret to a woman’s heart…or any person’s heart.
One of my favorite movies that for some reason I adore more as time passes on is Phenomenon
Kyra Sedgewick’s character is a single mom eeking out a life on her own by crafting bent willow chairs. They’re rustic, they’re one of a kind, and George (John Travolta’s character) says that people are wild for them and selling like hotcakes.
Later, we find out that he’s the one that’s been buying every one of them, and she is mortified. She asks him why? Why would he do that!
He says, “Because you made them.” He bought them not because they were his style, or comfortable, or even the right size. What he realized is that she put herself into every one of those chairs. It mattered. And he loved them not for what they were, but because she had put so much of herself and her time into them.
There is one point in the movie (no more spoilers, promise) where Robert Duvall’s character, Doc, says to another character who is making fun of George:
Doc: How’s your love life, Banes?
Banes: Lisa left.
Doc: Yeah. That’s what I thought.
Now George, he’s got a love by his side. And she’s sticking with him, you know why?
Because he bought her chairs. That’s pretty smart to me. You ever buy Lisa’s chairs?
Banes: [chuckles and chides] Doc’s really drunk tonight.
Doc: Every woman has her chairs…something she needs to put herself into, Banes. You ever figure out what Lisa’s chairs were and buy’em?
So really, it’s simple. And yet not so simple. Do you really look for the “chairs” in people’s lives? What do they really put themselves into? What do they really work on in their life as an ongoing process?
Children?
Work?
Family?
Faith?
Music?
Hobby?
Once you listen to someone’s heart, once you look into what they’re all about, once you know what they put themselves wholeheartedly into, you’ll find a window to their soul. If it’s something you love, value, or admire about them, and want to have decorate your life, let them know how much it means to you. You’ll end up cracking the code to anyone’s heart.
Psst. Find those chairs.
How to have an AHA Moment
January 26, 2008
Sharon Begley (Newsweek.com) wrote an amazing article on how the brain works when people have their little epiphanies….aha moments….revelations…whatever you want to call it.
What I found most interesting from her “lab notes” is that the ones who solved problems quicker, with less strain, are the ones who relax mentally and don’t get all anxious. I mean, isn’t it true that we all have had, at one time or another, test anxiety? Or performance anxiety of some sort where our minds just go blank?
It really makes a lot of sense!
Begley concludes:
“So if you’re stuck on a problem that requires creativity, the first thing to do is relax, mentally. Stop pursuing the same old dead ends. Let your thoughts wander. Let your attention flit between seemingly irrelevant memories and thoughts. That’s the best way to let disparate pieces of the puzzle come together into your own eureka moment.”
So, relax. Your AHA moment is on it’s way.
Click here to read the NewsWeek article. Well worth it.
Don’t Have Time To Blog? Love to text? Twitter.
January 21, 2008
Micro-blog with Twitter from your cell phone.
Yes, if you can text from your mobile phone, you can blog and let everyone know what’s going on with you or fill your peeps in on funny things you overhear or see as you move about your day.
Twitter is a free widget you can place on your social networking site (like MySpace, Facebook, etc.) or your blog. It’s sort of I guess, mobile blogging. Like, when my nephew saw a man walking in Times Square with a cat on his head, he could’ve texted ”just passed a man with a cat on his head that cursed us.”
I would have LOVED it!
You sign up at the Twitter site and you can immediately type in your updates from your home page, or activate your cell phone number and Twitter from it. There is even a third option of sending your updates via your instant messenger through LiveJournal, GTalk, and Jabber.
(I’m thinking this would be a great thing for pregnant or women expecting. That way, the hubby could text in the updates and everyone that subscribes can get their updates on the go on their cell phones.)
I’m adding my twitter widget to this site (as well as my MySpace page) by simply cutting and pasting the code they provide. Easy peasy.
Now, I have to warn you. I don’t text a lot, so the updates will be random. But sometimes, I see things I just have to share.
And some things, I’m sure you might wish I didn’t-
…like when I discovered I went to a school Christmas party, talked to all the parents in the room, and the teacher, and discovered (only after getting into the car and checking my makeup) that I had a stray blush brush hair that had stuck to my chin thus making me looking like I had a big black wirey chin hair.
Niiiiiiice.
So have fun with it. You can sign up here.
And if you want to follow my text messages through Twitter, click here.
Discover New Web Stuff
January 16, 2008
(Like you don’t have enough to do!)
Find something new!
If you ever just want to find cool videos, sites, news clippings, or just want to keep up with what you discover on your own with a simple and easy to use tool, you might want to try Stumble Upon.
Stumble Upon is a free downloadable tool that loads into your web browser. When you sign up, you get to choose topics of interest to you SO THAT when you get incredibly bored visiting the same old sites you have visited a million times, you can click a button and it will automatically guide you to something new that’s in your interest category.
It’s simply a new way to surf.
Plus, if you’re looking to rate, collect, and bookmark your own sites of interest, you can do that too! It’s a great way to get organized.
For more information on how to use Stumble Upon, there is a small tutorial you can read through. But for more ways you can benefit by using a tool like this, click here.
My StumbleUpon Page
Learn Every Day
January 1, 2008
One of the greatest things in life is that with every step, you learn. OK. God-willing, you learn. 
I can’t imagine a day going by where I didn’t learn something. Whether that was the fact I didn’t like brussel sprouts, or that books are cheaper on-line, or that I love the way sunlight streams into my office around 10:00 AM, every day, I’ve learned something new.
Learning isn’t always about reading, or listening to professors or gurus. Often I’ve found that learning is about studying things. Observing. Watching and taking in life. Listening to yourself mostly among others.
Learning comes in all sorts of packages - from the policeman that gives you a parking ticket (oh! I didn’t know I couldn’t park here!), to the child that tells you pink is her favorite color because it’s the color of the inside of her puppy’s ear. Learning is delightful when you approach it in a simple way. And if you make it a part of every day, you feel good that you took in just one more piece of life and swallowed it whole.
Ilana M. Blumberg, author of Houses of Study, wrote in the preface of her book, “I believed that to learn was to live. To study and study and study was to become good, and possibly great, and, in any event, to do what one (what I) was born to do. Today I can see that this deeply held faith made me what I now am…”
I guess I feel the same way.
So today, you know that I think you can make every day a holiday by learning something new.
In this section, I’ll cover how-to’s, tips, and things that can help you in your everyday life. They are random, but hopefully, you’ll be able to rely on a place you can come if you feel you just haven’t really learned enough today.
And, as always, I’m always open to your suggestions. Leave your comments below, or, you can contact me at iMEDAH(@) gmail.com. (of course you can format that right, right?) I look forward to passing along learning and the love of it, here.
Tell me how you feel about learning?
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