Love: Simply Remind Them
May 19, 2008
Everyone goes through bouts of feeling less than, questioning maybe something they did, or perhaps who they are. In uncertain times, it’s easy to have self-doubts of where you are going, or worse yet, realize where you are.
When you love someone and you see them hurting, it’s tough to stand by and watch. You want to fix it. You want to come to their aid, by their side, and fix the situation or sometimes, try even to fix them.
I want to challenge you to try something.
Simply remind them.
Remind them of who you know they are on the inside. Remind them of the gifts, qualities and strengths you have always admired in them. Remind them of a situation you’ve seen them go through before and solved on their own. Remind them of the knowledge they possess inside and the abilities they have to overcome anything – a situation, a doubt, a problem, or anything they might think of themselves.
Remind them you are on their side.
Remind them you love them.
Remind them that you believe in them.
The most compassionate love is when you can remind those you love of the person you know them to be. There is no need to tell untruths or pump someone up with exclamations of power or grandiosity. That may feel right in the moment for you but when you are the one hurting, all of that seems like a band-aid of sorts that may not feel quite like it fits right over the wound.
It is hard not to go into fix-it mode. But with kindness, compassion, and generosity of spirit you can truly mend a broken heart with your love. Not with hope or hype… but with truth, honesty and certainty.
And that is the truest form of love we could ever know.
Remind them.
“To love a person is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten.”
-Thomas Chandler
Love: Fight For What We Love
April 28, 2008
“There would be no passion in this world if we never had to fight for what we love.”
- Susie Switzer
I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, “I’m a lover, not a fighter.” The peaceful person in me would rather love than fight any day, but I know in my heart, the things truly worthy of my love are worth a bit of a fight.
Sometimes, I just wish people would think about taking a more passionate approach to life knowing that nothing good or worthy comes without a lot of effort, perhaps some pain, and a dash of fighting spirit willing that “something that we love” into being.
Why, even having a baby comes with all of that, right?
Why is it that we equate “being a fighter” synonymous with “bad”? It’s not. It’s holy. Those who fought the original crusades and battles winning through immense circumstances were so-called fighters. Those who traveled the wilderness and deserts; some were pioneers, some were prophets. I can think of no higher calling.
When you learn to reach in and fight for what you love, what you hold dear to your heart, you will find courage within the recesses of your soul. If you get knocked down, get right back up. Learn to maybe not so much love the hits so much as know what you’ll get in the end for taking the shots. Nothing worth anything comes to you without a certain amount of blows to the chin. And if you have gotten this far in life pretty easily, imagine what you’ve never known by not fighting a little bit harder, trying a little harder, and taking a few more punches to the gut.
Life is hard won. Love it. Love the process. And fight.
Love: Surrender
April 21, 2008
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” ~ Rumi
Surrender is really hard for me. To me, it conjures up images of the loser in a battle. And I don’t like to lose.
Why then do I get all breathy when I think of surrendering to love? Have I watched too much Gone With The Wind?
I believe we battle this paradox in ourselves constantly. We want to give in to the wondrous pleasures of life – be it a lover, a delicious piece of chocolate, a moment to ourselves – but we fight it. We have in our heads sometimes that to surrender to a situation, person or thing we are drawn to that it signifies we are weak in some way…that we lose.
Why?
Oh, there are probably a million reasons why. I think if you think hard enough you find why the beliefs you hold are what they are. But try to welcome a new way of thinking, a new way of looking at surrender…in a good way!
The poet Mary Oliver completely reframed surrender for me in “Wild Geese”. She writes:
“You do not have to be good.You do not have to walk on your kneesfor a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves….”
Surrendering is not suffering. Surrendering does not mean you’ve lost your will. Surrendering is all about loving with complete abandon. And we’re not used to that. It exposes us too much.
Yes, surrendering is hard. Very hard. But you can learn how to surrender if you understand how it works. Author Bill Plotkin, in Nature and the Human Soul, said it best. “What’s involved is actually both a surrender of and a surrender to: first a surrender of your beliefs about how you were supposed to be and how the world was supposed to work, and then a surrender to your deepest and wildest passions.”
Did you get that?
You can’t truly feel the depths of passion until you’ve let go of everything you thought it would be. Then, what comes next is the best part: when you let go of all of yourself, you realize that the real stuff was better than you ever dreamed it could be all along. When you learn to love with quiet surrendering fire in your soul there can be no losing in that. It’s powerful.
If I could whisper in your ear right now, I would say to you something I hope you will learn to do, something worth devoting time and effort in mastering: I’d simply whisper, “Surrender.”
Copyright © by Kelley Taylor
List The Things You Love
April 14, 2008
“The best way to know God is to love many things.”
– Vincent Van Gogh
My son approached me the other day, quite to my surprise, and asked me, “Mom, what do you love?
”My reply of course, was, “YOU!” But he was after something more. He wanted to know what I valued in life. Sure he knew I adored him, but he was looking for something to give me…something that he’d know I’d like. (He’s really in touch with being a good gift giver. Most people just give you what they want you to have.)
How many times has someone asked you what you want for a birthday, holiday, or special event? Sure, we know what we need and wouldn’t that cool PedEgg really get our feet in shape for summer sandals, but, really? How many times have you come up empty headed when asked, “What do you like? What makes you smile?”
Do you know what you love?
Start a folder, a clipping file, a blog, a scrapbook, a journal, use index cards! List the things you love. This isn’t a vision board, or a list of things you’d LIKE to have. No, this is a list of things you love right now or things you’ve loved in the past. Things that stir your heart, make you laugh, feel sentimental, or just plain ol’ feel. Like,
I Love Lucy
Cinnamon
Flowers
Books
Special paper
Fountain pens
Chairs with architectural interest
#2 Pencils
The smell of leather
Grass
Swimming
Postage stamps (I consider them art)
The list can be as random as you’d like, but here’s my challenge: Don’t just list. Devote a page per item. Here’s why.
By giving each item their own fresh white page, you honor the things you love individually. You give them their place in your world. You give yourself time to focus on each item and you can begin to list why you love these things. Don’t worry. Sometimes the words won’t come. And don’t be surprised if you look at an item, and a tear comes to your eye. It may not even be what it is, but what it represents.
Later, when you someone asks you, “What do you love?” You will be able to smile and know that the list is immeasurable, priceless, and is the key to your heart. By knowing what you love, and loving many things, you will become more grateful, beautiful on the inside, and know what you cherish in your life. No greater love.
Tell me some of the things you love…
A Way To Any Woman’s Heart
April 1, 2008
What’s the mystery of finding true love? Better yet, what is the way to a woman’s heart?
Chocolate? Flowers? Compliments? Attention?
Some men (and women) think it’s a big huge puzzle that has to be spread out on the table and filled in over time. Some may think a way to someone’s heart is something they’ll never be able to do. Some think it’s too hard to figure out.
But I’ll let you in on a key secret to finding out whether or not you are really meant for someone, or if someone is meant for you.
Yes, believe it or not, I’ll give you one secret to a woman’s heart…or any person’s heart.
One of my favorite movies that for some reason I adore more as time passes on is Phenomenon
Kyra Sedgewick’s character is a single mom eeking out a life on her own by crafting bent willow chairs. They’re rustic, they’re one of a kind, and George (John Travolta’s character) says that people are wild for them and selling like hotcakes.
Later, we find out that he’s the one that’s been buying every one of them, and she is mortified. She asks him why? Why would he do that!
He says, “Because you made them.” He bought them not because they were his style, or comfortable, or even the right size. What he realized is that she put herself into every one of those chairs. It mattered. And he loved them not for what they were, but because she had put so much of herself and her time into them.
There is one point in the movie (no more spoilers, promise) where Robert Duvall’s character, Doc, says to another character who is making fun of George:
Doc: How’s your love life, Banes?
Banes: Lisa left.
Doc: Yeah. That’s what I thought.
Now George, he’s got a love by his side. And she’s sticking with him, you know why?
Because he bought her chairs. That’s pretty smart to me. You ever buy Lisa’s chairs?
Banes: [chuckles and chides] Doc’s really drunk tonight.
Doc: Every woman has her chairs…something she needs to put herself into, Banes. You ever figure out what Lisa’s chairs were and buy’em?
So really, it’s simple. And yet not so simple. Do you really look for the “chairs” in people’s lives? What do they really put themselves into? What do they really work on in their life as an ongoing process?
Children?
Work?
Family?
Faith?
Music?
Hobby?
Once you listen to someone’s heart, once you look into what they’re all about, once you know what they put themselves wholeheartedly into, you’ll find a window to their soul. If it’s something you love, value, or admire about them, and want to have decorate your life, let them know how much it means to you. You’ll end up cracking the code to anyone’s heart.
Psst. Find those chairs.
The List
January 9, 2008
I stumbled upon this anonymous quote:
“Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Kiss slowly, play hard, love deeply, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything, and have no regrets. Life is too short to be anything but HAPPY.”
What would you add?
Sign Up To Receive the Latest!
“
-
Advertisement
-
