Learn: How To Tolerate Uncertainty - Sort Of

Being able to tolerate anything is difficult because it requires us to go outside of our comfort zones and show patience and kindness to whatever it is that really irritates us.

When you add the fear or anxiety factor of handling uncertainty, it makes the whole idea of “tolerating uncertainty” almost too much to comprehend.

Here is a step-by-step on how you can handle a certain amount of uncertainty.

1. Breathe.
Get to a private place. Go to the bathroom. Close the door. Sit at your desk where no one can see you. Close your eyes and inhale deeply for five seconds. FIVE SECONDS. That’s not hard. Let it out with a push. If tears come; let them. Then get to step two.

2. Identify what’s really bothering you.
So, you’re questioning your relationship. Or, you found a lump. Perhaps, you’ve learned your job may not be safe. Whatever is causing your uneasiness write it down. It won’t bite you harder than it already is internally. When you write down what is bothering you in one sentence or less, you give voice to the thing you feel you must solve or get clear on. And you will. Tuck it away if you have to for the moment or address it right now with step number 3.

3. List possible next steps.
If it’s a lump, the next step would be to call the doctor. If it’s job security, the next step might be to polish up your resume and get back in touch with old contacts. If it’s about your relationship a possible next step might be just having a conversation. Whatever is right for you to find a little more peace in the situation right now is what you should begin listing. The right answer will come. You just need to write down all possibilities. Then sort them.

4. Find someone to bounce it off of.
Often, our own tunnel vision can cloud or cause our own anxieties about any situation to spiral out of control. Finding a trusted friend, family member, or counselor to talk to about your uncertainties may help you put perspective on a situation before your fear warps out of control. You don’t have to go into a lot of detail, just say something like, “I was wondering, I feel a little uncertain about (whatever it is you’re uncertainty is) because (fill in the blank here with why you’re worried). Do you think I’m over-reacting?”

5. Accept anxiety as a way of life.
Yes, it’s true. Anxiety and uncertainty are those blessed little things in life that make us think. In Just Enough Anxiety, author Robert Rosen says, “We’re told that anxiety is bad. We work hard to ‘de-stress,’ ‘stay sane,’ and ideally eliminate anxiety from our lives altogether. But how many of us have ever achieved this? Trying – in vain – to rid ourselves of anxiety actually causes more anxiety!”
Be OK with things not being OK. It’s hard. It’s tough. But it’s possible! Once you start accepting that there’s a valid reason for you to be completely uncomfortable, answers will arise! Then…

6. Act.
Do one thing from your list you made in step 3. Take one step in the right direction to help overcome a feeling of powerlessness. Ask the questions. Do some research. Gather some answers. Knowledge casts out fear. When you act upon solving something, your tolerance level increases for handling the difficulty of the situation. Before long, you will begin the process of not quelling the anguish, or even tolerating it, but freeing yourself from it…step by step.

Going through this process when situations arise will help you cope with uncertainties better along the way as they come. Well, sort of.

Also See:

Live: Tolerating Uncertainty
To Be: Resilient
To Hear: Keep Faith

More on Learn…

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List The Things You Love

“The best way to know God is to love many things.”

– Vincent Van Gogh

My son approached me the other day, quite to my surprise, and asked me, “Mom, what do you love?

”My reply of course, was, “YOU!” But he was after something more. He wanted to know what I valued in life. Sure he knew I adored him, but he was looking for something to give me…something that he’d know I’d like. (He’s really in touch with being a good gift giver. Most people just give you what they want you to have.)

How many times has someone asked you what you want for a birthday, holiday, or special event? Sure, we know what we need and wouldn’t that cool PedEgg really get our feet in shape for summer sandals, but, really? How many times have you come up empty headed when asked, “What do you like? What makes you smile?”

Do you know what you love?

Start a folder, a clipping file, a blog, a scrapbook, a journal, use index cards! List the things you love. This isn’t a vision board, or a list of things you’d LIKE to have. No, this is a list of things you love right now or things you’ve loved in the past. Things that stir your heart, make you laugh, feel sentimental, or just plain ol’ feel. Like,

I Love Lucy
Cinnamon
Flowers
Books
Special paper
Fountain pens
Chairs with architectural interest
#2 Pencils
The smell of leather
Grass
Swimming
Postage stamps (I consider them art)

The list can be as random as you’d like, but here’s my challenge: Don’t just list. Devote a page per item. Here’s why.

By giving each item their own fresh white page, you honor the things you love individually. You give them their place in your world. You give yourself time to focus on each item and you can begin to list why you love these things. Don’t worry. Sometimes the words won’t come. And don’t be surprised if you look at an item, and a tear comes to your eye. It may not even be what it is, but what it represents.

Later, when you someone asks you, “What do you love?” You will be able to smile and know that the list is immeasurable, priceless, and is the key to your heart. By knowing what you love, and loving many things, you will become more grateful, beautiful on the inside, and know what you cherish in your life. No greater love.

Tell me some of the things you love…